First Job
by voice of morgoth
Summary: Sequel to Separation Anxiety. Dipper needs a new job. He had no idea what he was getting into.


"_First day on the job."_ Dipper thinks, panicking as he rides his rickety, old bike to work.

Dipper was homeless, having fled his parents' home to live with his sister in the city of Dimmsdale. Their forbidden relationship was discovered and his parents saw him as the manipulator and instigator. But Dipper and his sister fought back. They stood against their parents and now, the siblings were considered dead by their father. He would rather destroy his legacy than face the truth of the twins' relationship. The twins' mother decided to stay in Dimmsdale to aid her daughter through the last year of school. Now Dipper needed a job, and there was only one that presented itself to the high-school dropout.

Dipper walks up to the doors, feeling an ominous shiver crawl up his spine. He can hear the sound of his doom from within the walls.

"_I'm either going to be dead or mentally deranged by the end of the week._"

Dipper chuckles to himself as he opens the doors. This wasn't an ordinary job; he was walking into the lion's den, a dark cavern of insanity and inanity from which there would be no escape. He could barely sleep the night before, feeling his judgment overhead like the blade of a guillotine, and he was running late. Dipper continues down the hall as it seems to stretch magically, increasing in length the more he walks as his sense of dread builds.

"_I always assumed these creatures had some form of supernatural defense. It seems to be giving me a heart attack before I'm even inside._"

Dipper spots several of them scatter through the corner of his eye, running into the shadows and the corners as they giggle to themselves. Some are frightened of the new figure, but most are mocking the new visitor to their lair. Dipper feels teeth clamp down on his leg. Enough to send a jolt of surprise and pain through his body as he subconsciously kicks away. Dipper spots his attacker fleeing back down the hall to hide. He can hear them; they're everywhere.

"_I really should have been more prepared for this._" Dipper thinks as he approaches the door. _His_ door.

Dipper steadies himself, taking in several deep breaths before he can enter.

"_Remember, don't show fear. They can sense fear. They'll swarm over you like rats._"

He hears them behind the door. The yelling and cursing, mindless babble that echoes through the halls like the mad melody of an eldritch deity. Dipper opens the door. There is shouting and fighting. There's mashing of teeth as substances edible and inedible are chewed into with equal fervor.

"_Preschoolers._"

The children meet the gaze of their new caretaker. Dipper looks down at the mad rabble as he walks into the room. The walls are covered in brightly colored posters of smiling, dancing animals. They seem to be either mocking Dipper with their false smiles or driven mad as they stare blankly into space with cold, deadened eyes. Many more pictures are positioned sporadically around the light pink room, whose artists Dipper must now guard. Pictures of badly drawn cars and stick figures standing around together and holding hands under bright, crayoned suns.

Dipper walks in and looks at his tiny desk. Several pictures of colored in airplanes and buses line the wall behind his seat. Even when the little children were given the lines for their illustrations, they still couldn't properly color anything. Many were haphazardly scribbled over by uninterested or distracted hands. Some were filled in partially before the children grew bored and drew random doodles instead. Other pictures managed to convey a more frightening tale. The crayons and markers were gouged into the paper, large stains and smashed crayons that showed the kids were more stabbing the drawings instead of coloring them in. There were some pictures in which a large ink stain or smeared pencil line indicated the snapping and breaking of the angry artist's tool and a new color began being jabbed into the rest of the picture, followed by another stain and another new color. Dipper checks the names on the hate-filled pictures as he removes his backpack.

"_Well, Jeremy, you definitely have some issues in the home. Or maybe you're just angry. Joey's probably a bully or something. And with how many markers Terry went through, he's on his way to becoming a mass murderer in twenty years. Mental note; don't piss off Terry._"

Dipper turns around and faces the children.

"_Twenty. That's as many as two tens. Four times five. Why did I sign up for this?_"

One of the kids is twitchy and spastic, drool coming down his mouth as his eyes dart around the room. Another is licking his own arm with bliss clear on his face as he enjoys the taste of his skin.

"_Just stick to the lesson plan. Beginners math, then drawing, then introduction to astronomy, then toys. That should steal enough time until recess, lunch, and nap time. I really could use a nap right now._"

Dipper cracks his spine backwards and pops his wrists, the snapping and crackling echoing throughout the silent room.

"What's on your face?" a little, pigtailed female asks. Her voice is high-pitched and squeaky, coming out like a mouse.

"My what?"

"Did you color your face? I like to color my face."

"Oh, this?" Dipper says as he points to his birthmark.

"Yeah."

"Oh, this is my birthmark. I had it when I was born."

"You color your face when you were a baby?"

"Oh, no I didn't."

"Did your mom or dad color it?"

"No. It's not a color. You want to see?"

Dipper sits on one leg as the ecstatic girl walks up. She spits in her left hand as Dipper remains still, avoiding the desire to cringe or swat her hand away as she tries to rub off Dipper's mark. She grins happily at the strange, new permanent marking as she takes her hand away.

"See? Never coming off."

"I want one. Can I have one?"

"Sorry, but you need to be born with one."

The little girl goes silent, except her eyes begin to water, knowing the crushing truth that she'll never have a special mark like Dipper.

"_Oh crap. Oh crap. Oh crap._"

"Oh, I mean… uh, just a second."

Dipper takes his backpack and fiddles through, tossing out a beginner's math book, a guide to drawing, and several astronomy books before finding a trove of stickers and tattoos that Mabel insisted he bring. Dipper finds a tattoo of a shooting star and gives it to the girl.

"It's not a birthmark, but it's the next best thing. It's a picture that will only come off when you want it to."

The girl smiles happily before several other kids storm up.

"I want one!"

"Gimme!"

Dipper finds himself assaulted on all sides by a group of jealous children who begin fighting against each other as they try and grab ahold of Mabel's treasure trove. Dipper stands up and attempts to calm down the adorable, miniature riot.

"Calm down. Everyone can get one."

The rowdy children cheer before Dipper starts taking out different tattoos and handing them to the kids. Dipper has just enough so that the entire class gets one.

"Can we put them on now?" the little girl asks.

"Alright." Dipper responds with tremors in his voice, sounding like he's five years younger and breaking into puberty.

Dipper escorts his group of mini-gremlins out into the hall and peaks around.

"_What were the rules on tattoos? Don't use them or the parents will be breathing down the daycare's neck for starting their kids on the path towards full body tattooing, probably._"

Dipper escorts his horde down the hall to the water fountain, carrying several sponges from Mabel's tattoo kit.

"All right, everyone form a line."

The kids shove and push their way to the front, forcing the weaker and younger kids to the back of the line. Dipper spends the next half hour systematically turning his brood into a human art gallery as he attempts to memorize all their names.

"_Tabitha's the pigtailed girl, Jeremy's the smug blonde, Billy's the strange kid who's distracted by everything. Joey's surprisingly calm for such an angry painter, and Terry's the creepy, pale kid who yells a lot… keep an eye on Terry."_

The kids are gleefully arrogant as they display the fake stars, cute animals, and cartoony weapons on their skin to each other.

"_Well, I was going to try and start with math, but it's probably for the best. I suck at explaining algebra to Mabel, and she's already a senior in high school. God only knows how confused these kids would be._"

"Um… let's do art."

Dipper retrieves a stack of papers from his backpack and begins handing them to the kids. Most are already bored by the time Dipper finds the markers and crayons in one of the many drawers.

"_I swear these cabinets are haunted. I know I checked the top one before and there was only a couple of toys._"

"What are we gonna draw?" Billy asks.

"Let's draw… your families!" Dipper says in a mock enthusiastic tone. The kids groan in annoyance, having drawn their families several times before.

"Or… or, you could draw whatever you want to draw?" Dipper says, half-questioning how good an idea letting the kids have free reign is. Dipper finds his fears confirmed as the kids scramble for control of the markers and crayons, fighting pointlessly over the multiples of blue and red in their dog-like attempts to establish dominance.

"Stop!" Dipper shouts unintentionally. It serves to be enough of a distraction to make the kids forget their pack behavior momentarily.

"Sorry." Dipper whispers.

"Listen, I'll be keeping the markers and crayons. You can come up and ask for two colors, but if you want another then you have to hand over the other. Okay?"

The kids nod.

"Good." Dipper says firmly. The teenager returns to sit by his desk, holding the drawing utilities hostage to prevent disorder and anarchy from claiming the room. Tabitha is the first to approach.

"Can I have a green and blue marker?"

"Yes, you may." Dipper says before handing over the requested markers.

Dipper hands out the drawing implements to the class as they shuffle silently past the desk. The teenager hides his guilt from shouting behind a wall of indifference as the toddlers return to their seats, spreading their paper around as they begin to draw. Dipper can't help but grin at how adorable he finds the kids as their little, stumpy arms attempt and fail to turn the sophisticated images in their minds into real pictures. Dipper takes out a book titled "A Beginner's Guide to Artistry" and starts reading, remembering the tips he used for passing his elementary school art classes. One of the kids throws his markers down and folds his arms in a pout.

"I suck at art." the black haired four year old says. Dipper recalls how much difficulty he had when he was forced into an art class, barely clinging behind the rest of the class as Mabel bested him at every turn.

"You know, I was never that good at art myself."

"Why?"

"I just wasn't. My sister was always the best at drawing. But I do know how to help."

Dipper moves away from his desk and walks into the center of the children, maneuvering around the papers and small, fiddling hands.

"_I wonder how many teachers have lost their jobs for stepping on their kids' hands accidentally._"

Dipper sits down with the frowning kid as he looks at his picture. Dipper turns the paper around.

"One thing that helped me was drawing upside down. It takes a little longer to make a picture, but it helps."

"Okay."

Dipper looks up to spot Jeremy attempting to steal a third marker. Dipper gives the child a disapproving frown, which is enough to make Jeremy back away from the desk and walk back to his position. Dipper looks over to spot Terry stabbing at his paper, the ink pad ready to snap under the constant jabs. Dipper decides to get a closer eye on the rage-filled tyke as he stabs into the sheet. Dipper looks down and sees several stick figures that Terry is stabbing with a red marker.

"_Jesus Christ, how terrifying._"

Terry looks up with an angry gaze, daring Dipper to try and stop him. Dipper simply turns around, whistling a happy tune as he moves back to the front of the room. Dipper surveys the kids as the clock ticks by, breaking up small fights over space and kids bumping into each other's arms. Dipper looks up at the clock.

"_An hour and a half until recess. Stop mocking me, Time!_"

Dipper is pulled from his thoughts by the sound of crying. The blonde haired Billy is holding his hand as blood leaks from his fingertip.

"I got a owie."

"_I knew I should have brought Band-Aids. Why didn't I bring the Band-Aids?_"

"Let's go get some Band-Aids."

"Do I need a doctor?"

"No, no. We just need to get a Band-Aid." Dipper says as he walks over. Dipper is nervous; he's going to have to leave the class as he goes and fetches the medical supplies, leaving the children alone with his backpack. Unfortunately, Billy can see the worry on Dipper's face and mistakes it for worry about his paper cut. Billy begins crying harder than before.

"I'm gonna die!" Billy wails as tears pour down his face.

"No, no! You're perfectly all right! Come on, we'll go get the medicine together!" Dipper says rapidly and nervously, trying to calm down the kid. Dipper sits on one knee.

"Come on, I'll give you a piggyback ride."

Billy begins cheering up, forgetting all about his paper cut as Dipper picks the kid up. Dipper dashes through the halls with Billy making airplane noises, blood occasionally dripping onto the floor from the tot's outstretched hands. Dipper drops the kid off when he reaches Vicky's room. Dipper opens the door and barges in.

"Vicky, need medical supplies! Kids alone in the room with my things!" Dipper shouts.

The bored, redheaded female points to a supply cabinet on the wall. Dipper takes Billy over and grabs the adhesive strips out of the cabinet, quickly and carefully applying a bandage to the kid's finger as Billy picks his nose with his free hand. Dipper takes Billy out the door and carries the kid back to the room. Dipper glances at the clock as he passes down the hallway.

"_One minute and thirty two seconds. Shouldn't be too much damage._"

Dipper drops Billy off and opens the door, stumbling into what can only be described as utter chaos. Many of the children are running in circles, stepping on the other children's hands as they run by. Terry and Joey are throwing fists at each other and tugging on each other's hair. The markers are thrown about the room as several kids fight over the drawing tools. Two kids are attempting to eat their markers, tricked by the wonderful smell into thinking the markers are food as their teeth turn green and dark blue. One kid is attempting to read Dipper's astronomy book upside down. The kid Dipper helped with drawing earlier walks up and presents his picture of a car.

"Do you like it?" he asks. Dipper's eye twitches at the lunacy he's unchained by his absence.

"Y-yes. It's a lot better." Dipper says as he walks past and begins culling the madness. Dipper grabs up all the markers, pencils, and crayons, then goes and retrieves his abused books from the little thieves. Dipper walks over and gives Joey and Terry a judgmental glare. Joey is frightened enough to back off, but Terry glares at Dipper like a rabid dog.

"_He's even drooling._"

As the noise and movement die down, Dipper takes a head count.

"Tabitha?" Dipper says. The scared girl walks out from behind the desk, holding her hands over her tattooed star like a shield.

"Jeremy tried to get rid of my picture."

Dipper looks at the arrogant kid, who's proud of his evil torment as he smiles. Dipper's protective brother instinct takes over, Tabitha reminding Dipper of a younger Mabel.

"Jeremy… time out."

Dipper stares down the small kid. Jeremy can feel the wrathful aura coming towards him like a creeping shadow. Jeremy's smile vanishes as he walks over to the corner and sits down, facing away from the eyes of his peers and the suddenly terrifying Dipper. Dipper takes the moment of order to retrieve the different drawings from around the room and gather them on his desk. Dipper then looks back at the saddened Jeremy and sighs at the pitiful sight of the broken kid.

"_If there's one thing I know, it's that getting angry never helps. Never helped me or Mabel, even when we deserved it._"

"Jeremy… time out's over." Dipper says.

The younger kid turns around, surprised at Dipper's act of forgiveness.

"Just don't be mean to others, okay?"

The little kid nods his head rapidly, thankful for Dipper's compassion. Even Terry seems to be caught off guard, gazing curiously at Dipper and his alien concept of "mercy."

"Mr. Dipper…"

The kid who was trying to read Dipper's astronomy book looks at the scraggily teen.

"Yes, uh, Jeff?"

"What are stars?"

"_Now I'm in my element. Then again, that might be a bad thing. Just remember; small words, small words._"

"Stars are fireflies." Tabitha says, proud of her observation.

"_How do I correct her without making her cry again?_"

"Actually… many stars are like the sun."

"That can't be. The sun is bigger than them." Tabitha says.

"That's because most of them are far away. Light years away."

"_Oops. Big word._"

"Light years?" Tabitha says in confusion.

"Yes." Dipper says as he stands up and walks over to the light fixture.

"You know how you turn the switch on, and the light appears right after?"

The group nods.

"Well, there is a very small moment between turning the switch and the light coming on. Light is so fast, we can't see the change. But because the stars are so far away, it means that it takes years for the light from those stars to reach us."

"How big are the stars, then?"

"Well, some are smaller than our sun. And others are very big."

"How big?"

"They're bigger than the sun in the same way the sun is bigger than the light in this room."

"That's big. Why is it so big?"

"I… don't know."

"Was it God?" another kid asked.

"I suppose."

"Why did God make such a big place?"

"I think… I think God would have made it big so we would never run out of friends. We live on Earth, and there are other places like Earth called planets. And there are as many of them as there are stars. We can't see them from here, but there are probably lots of people like us on them. So many people. And it will take a long time before we can meet them, but this way no one every runs out of friends."

Silence takes over the room as the children ponder Dipper's words. He looks over the crowd as they each react differently. Most lose interest in Dipper's philosophical rambling. Tabitha smiles warmly at the thought of never running out of friends and Dipper gives her a smile in return. Billy's rapid fire eyes seemed to have settled, focusing on the deeper meaning of Dipper's words. But what digs into Dipper's heart is Terry's reaction.

"Friends are stupid." Terry says, pouting as tears attempt to leave his eyes. Terry forces his sadness back down, turning it into more bile and hate.

"_Shit. That kid needs help. I guess I'll play therapist later today._"

"Tell us more!" Jeremy shouts enthusiastically.

"Tell us about planets." Tabitha says with a happy grin.

"How did God make the stars?" Billy asks.

Dipper looks at the clock.

"_One hour until scheduled toy time._"

"Well, it all started with a very big bang…"

"…and that's why the T-Rex is related to chickens!"

Dipper lets out an exhausted sigh as he falls back into his chair.

"_I doubt most of them understood what I was talking about, but hopefully they'll gain a greater appreciation for the universe. Or they'll come to hate learning with a passion._"

Dipper looks at the kids as they attempt to process the information overload. Tabitha suffered the least; she was able to take in most of the information given to her brain, skipping to the back of the room happily with her newfound facts. Jeremy and Billy are struggling to remember everything Dipper told them, their little brains pondering the meaning of many of his words and developing many more questions to ask Dipper or their parents later. Joey and several other kids grew bored half an hour into Dipper's history of everything, long ago drifting into sleep. Terry was still churning in his own misery as he clenched his fists and frowned.

"Well, now that we're done with that, how about playing with toys?"

The kids cheer, free from the burden of trying to use their brains. The next half hour passes in a cacophony of plane noises, mock explosions, and reenactments of the kid's favorite movie fights. Dipper would occasionally glance towards the clock, waiting for recess when the kids would be free to indulge in their anarchistic impulses outside and Dipper could relax.

"_Three, two, one…_"

The bell rings and the children shoot up and run towards the door, waiting for Dipper to loosen their chain as they bob up and down impatiently. Dipper opens the door and allows the kids to run out. All but one dash out the door to join the stampede of little feet running to the back. Terry is pouting on the floor before he stands up and decides to walk out. Dipper turns and looks, figuring now would be a good time to try and help the angry tot.

"So, uh, Terry. Are you feeling alright?"

"I'm fine." the kid says as he attempts to push past Dipper. Dipper blocks him in and closes the door.

"Okay. I was wondering if you had a name for your picture." Dipper says as he walks over and picks up the kids murder fantasy.

"It's stupid."

"I think it needs some work, but you've got the emotion and feel for art. What's this picture about?"

"Shut up." Terry says angrily.

"Two adults and a kid. Who are these people?"

"Shut the fuck up!" Terry yells, trying to force Dipper away. "Fuck" was always the magic word that forced the other teachers back, but Dipper wasn't going to give up so easily.

"I just want to help."

"Shut the fuck up!" Terry repeats, wondering why Dipper won't give up.

Dipper walks over to the door and slides to the floor, bringing himself to eye-level with the angry five year old.

"I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong."

Terry starts screaming at Dipper. The crazed kid tries to fight, throwing fists and kicks. Dipper simply takes it, allowing the kid to unload his rage on Dipper. The teenager won't let Terry push him away, simply remaining silent as he takes the blows to the chest. The barrage of tiny fists slowly stops. Terry walks away from the door and sits down, facing away from Dipper as he cries to himself. Dipper walks over to the sobbing toddler, sitting down next to Terry and rubbing his shoulder affectionately. Dipper takes the drawing and presents to Terry.

"So, Terry, who is that?" Dipper asks while pointing to the littlest figure. Terry remains silent.

"Is that you?" Dipper asks again. Terry reflexively shifts away from Dipper.

"Ah, I see. I take it these are Mom and Dad." Dipper says, looking at the taller figures covered in red marker stabs.

"I take it your angry with them."

Terry doesn't answer.

"That bad?... You know, I had a fight with my dad about a week ago."

"…Not like Dad fights." Terry says.

"My dad tried to hit me. He started punching me, a lot. I haven't seen him since."

"…your dad hits you too?"

"Yeah. He didn't used to, but about a month ago everything changed. During the summer, well, some bad things happened."

"Why would your dad hit you? You're not bad. I'm bad."

"I don't think you're bad, Terry."

"Why would dad hit me if I weren't bad?"

"You're not bad, Terry. Tell me, how badly does dad hit you?"

Terry shifts towards Dipper and pulls his shirt up.

"_Holy fuck._"

Terry's skin is dark and bruised in several spots, with most of the blows landing near his ribcage. Dipper pulls Terry in and gives the sad kid a hug.

"I think we need to talk with Ms. Valentine."

Terry shifts away with dread in his eyes.

"Ms. Valentine is scary." he says, seemingly more frightened of Dipper's boss at the moment than his own father.

"I know she can be, but I think… I think she had it bad as a kid. She's just mean a lot because she doesn't know how to be nice, but she tries if you give her a chance."

"You think her dad hit her too?"

"He might have. But I know that when I had trouble with my dad, Ms. Valentine helped me. She's a good person deep down, even if she doesn't always seem like it. If she can help me, then I'm sure she can help you."

Dipper stands and grabs ahold of Terry's hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Dipper smiles down at the kid, giving Terry hope for the first time that the little boy can remember.

"Come on. Let's go see Ms. Valentine."

Dipper takes Terry into the silent hall. There's a serene emptiness as Dipper and Terry walk down towards Vicky's Office. Dipper knocks on the door.

"Ms. Valentine? It's Dipper. We need to talk. It's important."

Vicky opens the door and gazes down, looking at Terry with her dark, vicious eyes.

"What did you do this time?" Vicky asks in an annoyed tone.

"It's nothing he did, Vicky, he needs your help."

Vicky cocks an eyebrow at Dipper.

"Vicky, you know about that incident a week ago? When my dad decided he wanted to kill me? And you helped me out?"

Vicky's aggravation leaves her face as she invites Dipper and Terry into her office. Dipper pulls up a chair for Terry to sit down. Vicky returns to her desk and pulls her chair out from the side. She sits down on the large, spinning chair and maneuvers in front of Dipper and Terry. Their chairs are small and close to the floor, while Vicky's is high above the ground, towering over Dipper and Terry like a dark throne. Vicky is tenting her fingers menacingly.

"_No wonder Terry is scared of her. She seems to be going for the classic villain pose. I wonder if she ever had a white cat._"

"Terry, tell me what happened." Vicky says.

The kid slowly lifts his shirt up, revealing his bruised torso. Vicky sets her hands down; Dipper can see her hold back her own rage to avoid terrifying the small child.

"When does your dad hit you?" Vicky asks.

"Night. He comes home and he hits me, or he hits mom."

"Does he smell?" Dipper asks.

Terry nods in confirmation.

"It smells really bad, right? Like really strong candy."

"Yes."

"_Alcoholic. Well, that explains it at least._"

"Dipper, you should go out to recess." Vicky says.

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to call my friend in the police force. Get him to come and help."

"Am I in trouble?" Terry asks.

"No, but your dad is. Tell me, where would he be right about now?"

"Dad is at work."

"What about mom?"

"She's at work."

"I see."

Vicky leans forward with her hands clasped together and holding her head.

"Terry, why don't you go to recess? You've still got about twenty minutes. I'll get my friend to come and help."

"I don't like those kids. They're dumb."

Vicky smiles in amusement.

"I never did like playing with other kids either, but you still need to tolerate them."

"Towel-rate?" Terry says, confused at the new word.

"It means you don't have to always play with them or like them, but you still need to talk with them sometimes."

"Okay."

"Why don't you get going?" Vicky says to both Terry and Dipper.

Dipper stands up and stretches before taking Terry's hand and walking out. Dipper looks back one last time to spot Vicky taking out her cellphone, ready to bring her ally in the police department over. Dipper and Terry walk outside to join the hectic rabble on the playground. The kids have free reign; madness and anarchy claim the arena as the kids play, fight, and scream. Dipper spots Tabitha and Joey playing tag with Billy while several other kids take turns on a rusty, aluminum slide. Dipper finds several of his peers lazily watching the children to maintain the façade of control, but Dipper can see the tiredness and boredom in their eyes as they lounge on the benches, kicking their feet while waiting for recess to end and order to resume. Dipper feels teeth chew into his leg. Terry grabs the creepy biter and shoves him away.

"Don't hurt Mr. Dipper." Terry says commandingly. The scared biter runs back into the crowd as Dipper walks over to the adults. The group turns to spot the new employee sit down next to them. Terry sits down next to Dipper's leg, keeping a protective eye on his new buddy. A young, blonde female with a bored gaze turns toward Dipper.

"So, new guy, how's your first day on the job going?"

"Could have been worse, but I think I'm doing okay."

"I see you've gotten your class some tattoos." the lady says with a smile.

"Oh, yeah."

"You're lucky you weren't here at the start. The kids without tattoos started fighting. Jealous goofballs."

"It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"Well, tomorrow we'll probably have to bring more or we'll have a full scale riot on our hands."

"I know."

"The parents are going to be pissed!" the lady says with a mischievous glee.

"Could we try not to curse in front of the kids?"

"Oh, they can't hear."

Dipper tilts his head in the direction of his new, miniature bodyguard.

"Oh, sorry." The lady says before she realizes who's sitting next to Dipper.

"Terry?" she says in amazement. The rest of the adults look around and see that Dipper has succeeded in the unthinkable. Terry was sitting down and behaving, instead of fighting with the rest of the kids.

"How'd you do it?"

"We just had a talk. Some personal issues that I don't think he wants to talk about."

"Neato. I didn't think it was possible to reach him."

"Let's drop the issue. Even though he's not talking, that doesn't mean he can't hear us. Right Terry?"

Terry nods in confirmation.

"Alright. Sorry Terry." the lady says. Terry looks up at her with a frown.

"By the way, what's your name?" Dipper asks.

"Jessica. Dipper, right?"

"Billy's my real name, but all my friends call me Dipper. Nicknamed after this." Dipper says while pointing to his birthmark.

"The big dipper, neat. And a bit cute." Jessica says, looking down the scrawny teen with a flirtatious eye.

"How old are you, anyways?" she asks.

"Seventeen and a couple months. Why do you ask?"

"I don't know, maybe you'd want to go out sometime?"

"Thanks, but no thanks. I'm already dating someone."

"Alright."

Dipper relaxes into his seat, keeping an eye on the children as they scurry about.

"So Dipper, if you're seventeen, then how come you aren't in school?"

"Fight at home. It got really bad."

"Parents kicked you out?"

"I left. I needed to get out; it felt like a prison. I'd have gone insane if I stayed any longer."

"That stinks."

"Big time. I'll save up and get an apartment in a couple of months, hopefully."

"How'd you find this place?"

"Well, I'm friends with Vicky. She's the one I'm staying with. She offered me a job here after the last person left."

"Yeah, Joe wasn't cut out for this kind of work. He would have snapped after another day. Do you like it?"

"Yeah, it's good. I was worried at first, but it's not as bad as I thought. Nice kids, and it's fun to teach them about new things."

"What'd you start with?"

"Well, I was going to start with math, but that got sidetracked, so I did my best to explain the creation of the universe."

Jessica laughs at Dipper's response.

"That's a pretty big step up from math, don't you think?"

"Not really, so long as you use words they understand. Most of them got it."

"How would you know?"

"Hey Tabitha!" Dipper shouts, taking the question as a challenge. Several seconds pass before the pigtailed girl makes her way to the front of the rabble and approaches Dipper.

"Did I do something wrong, Mr. Dipper?" she asks frightfully.

"No, I just wanted you to tell Jessica here what I told you. About the stars and everything?"

"Okay?... Well, a bajillion years ago, God made the big bang. The… what's the word Mr. Dipper? For all the stars?"

"Galaxy."

"No, a_ll_ the stars."

"The universe."

"The un-i-verse was hot and small, but then the stars moved away and the un-i-verse got cold. That's why we can only see the stars today. Mr. Dipper says that we might go to them one day. I hope I can go and meet new friends."

"New friends?" Jessica asks.

"Yeah! There are other planets with friends. I want to see them." Tabitha says enthusiastically.

"A nice, big universe with lots of friends." Dipper says, proud of hooking Tabitha into his astronomy and UFO obsessions. Jessica gives Dipper an amused smirk as Tabitha skips away happily.

"You're a natural, Dipper. If I had you as a teacher when I was a kid, then I probably wouldn't have hated school."

"Thanks. What do you think, Terry?"

The serious faced kid looks up, giving Dipper a questioning gaze.

"What do you think about the big, black universe?"

"I don't know. Would the friends in the sky be gooder than here?" Terry asks gloomily.

"I think some would be, and other's not so much. Why don't you like the friends here?"

"They're dumb."

"Why do you think they're dumb?"

"I don't know." Terry says, pondering why he hates everyone else. Dipper moves down on one knee and looks at Terry, hugging the little kid's shoulder.

"Well, I think that maybe you don't want them to hurt you, so you push them away. That way they won't hurt you like our dads hurt us. But there's something you should know. For everyone like our dads, there are hundreds of people who are nice. They don't always know what's wrong, but if you tell them then they help."

"I just want to sit here." Terry says with a twinge of fear and hesitation in his voice.

"Okay, I won't force you to go out there. You can stay here."

Terry smiles for a split second before catching his happiness and burying it beneath a neutral expression, having learned that smiling would bring the wrath of his father down faster. Dipper and Terry sit back down, waiting for the lunch period to arrive. One of the other teachers leaves to go break up a fight between several kids from his own class while Jessica and Dipper make fake bets on which kid would win. One kid scraps his knee on the pavement while skipping; Jessica goes and picks him up and carries him in. Several minutes later they return outside. The goofy child starts skipping again, not learning his lesson the first time. Dipper smiles in amusement as Jessica returns to the adults. Eventually the adults begin rounding up the kids to go to lunch. Many kids whine and complain as they're guided to the cafeteria, not yet willing to lose control. Others can't seem to wait a second longer to eat as they run to the front of the line, licking their lips in anticipation.

"_Let's see, based on how much each kid's obsessed with lunch or recess, Billy's going to be slightly overweight later, Joey's going to be athletic, John's going to be healthy, Tabitha's going to be fine so long as she stays away from unhealthy weight loss habits, and Simon's going to be obese. Make sure to communicate the need for healthy activity to Simon and Billy later._"

Dipper walks with the mass of bodies over to the cafeteria, the kids bobbing around like a wave as the group moves in. The kids sit down at the tiny tables while the adults go to retrieve the mini-sandwiches prepared by the lunch lady; a tired old woman with the odor of hard candy, old perfume, and incontinence.

"_The grandma smell._"

Once all the children have their food, Dipper walks back to the counter.

"Where's our food?" he asks Jessica. The blonde lady laughs at Dipper's obliviousness.

"Those sandwiches aren't just for the kids."

"What? But they're so… tiny." Dipper says disappointedly.

"I know, but since us adults eat in the same room, the kids will get jealous if we have more food. At least that's what Vicky says; she's probably just messing with our heads."

"Yeah, that's something she'd find funny." Dipper says, taking his measly meal to go sit with the adults. Dipper sits down between Jessica and a gangly, freckled teenager as the adults maintain watch over the brightly lit cafeteria.

"How many kids are in here?" Dipper asks.

"About a hundred." Jessica responds.

"Why the heck are there so many? No daycare I've ever heard of had this many kids."

"You can thank Vicky for that. Apparently she's driving all the local daycare centers out of business. I have no idea how you accomplish something like that."

"Cutthroat business." Dipper jokes.

"She seems to think so."

"Well, she'll have plenty of money this way. It's kind of genius."

"Diabolical." Jessica says in a dramatic tone. Dipper laughs.

"So Dipper, who's your girlfriend? Is it Vicky?" Jessica asks.

"No, not Vicky."

"I always assumed she preferred a younger fellow."

"What makes you think that?"

"I don't know, she just acts… odd sometimes. Some of the single fathers try to hit on her sometimes but she always blows them off. I also assumed she might have, well, crossed the other way, so to speak."

"I get you. She is a strange one, but she's nice when you get to know her. Just don't try and force it, though. She hates it when someone tries to force her to do something."

"How did you become friends with her?"

"Well, her boyfriend knows my girlfriend."

"Why not stay with your girlfriend?"

"Her mother wouldn't approve and I don't want to press the issue. They only have a smallish apartment and her mother doesn't have a high paying job, so I'd just be a burden."

"Where is Vicky, anyways? When I went to fetch the medical strips she was nowhere around."

"She's…" Dipper starts. He looks around and spots Terry on the other side of the lunchroom, far away from the adults' gossiping.

"She's helping out Terry. His dad is a bit of a psycho, so she's getting her cop friend to help."

"She's friends with a cop?"

"Yes. Hopefully they can get Terry the help he needs. I don't think I'm completely qualified for child psychotherapy."

"You've got natural skill with kids, though. Who knows, maybe you and your girlfriend will have one of your own one day."

Dipper chokes on a bit of his sandwich and receives an amused smirk from Jessica. Making babies with Mabel was one of Dipper's nightmares, not something he looked forward to.

"_Six legged inbred Cyclops are not on my agenda._" Dipper quips to himself as he takes a sip of water.

Dipper finishes his inadequate meal and stretches back, yawning from his lack of sleep.

"Don't worry, nap time's soon." Jessica says in jest.

"Can't sleep. First day on the job."

"Oh, it's fine. Sometimes we take a couple minutes to sleep."

"Well, I stayed up until three in the morning, so I'd be out for more than a couple minutes."

"What were you doing at three in the morning?"

"Worrying about the job."

"It's not a big deal."

"Not a big deal? Of course it is! If we don't get the kids to enjoy learning now, then they'll start to stagnate and end up stupid later. Then their kids will have the same lack of interest, and the apathy spreads like a disease. This job is definitely a big deal."

"You're just paranoid."

Dipper sighs as he looks out at the mass of kids.

"You're probably right, but still. If we take small, but very important steps to help them now, then they won't be struggling in the future."

"I know, but I think we do a good job, you especially. You managed to get through to Terry; most of us thought he was just a lost cause. I feel bad about not knowing what was going on now, but at the time we all thought he was just a screaming, angry psycho. So yeah, you're doing pretty good for your first day."

"Thanks."

Jessica looks at her watch and notices that it's almost time for the kids to nap.

"Well, we should be heading back to the classrooms and getting the mats out."

"Lunch isn't over yet."

"Well, we like to get the mats out early, that way the kids don't get too pissy with us. But it's mostly so we can get some extra food out of the kitchen without the kids seeing."

"Oh, that makes sense. I guess I'll go first, then. I need something else to eat to keep my brain working."

Dipper excuses himself from the table, yawning as he walks away. Dipper returns to his class and retrieves the mats from the lower cabinets, placing them evenly around the room as he picks the scattered toys up to put them away. Dipper shambles back towards the kitchen. He looks around the cabinets and finds a bag of chips he quickly munches down. He returns minutes later to the lunch room and takes a seat at the table, waiting for the other adults to ready their rooms as he stares into space. His mind is faltering and the speed of his thoughts has slowed. His brain struggles to retain awareness, fizzling and short-circuiting.

"_Just a couple more hours. You can last a couple hours._"

Dipper shakes his head back and forth like a dog, attempting to keep his mind from drifting off as his coworkers snicker at the tired teen.

"Is there soda anywhere? Or a coffee machine?" Dipper asks his group.

"No soda and the coffee machine's broken. Thrown off the counter during one of Terry's fits."

"Poor kid."

"Angry little jerk."

Dipper turns and glares at the whiny adult. These people are supposed to be taking care of the kids, and here was an oblivious, ignorant and arrogant man who did not notice or care that Terry was being abused.

"He's had it bad in the home. You shouldn't be too hard on him." Dipper says, attempting to steady his anger.

"No, a kid like that's got something else wrong with him."

"Even if he does, what his father did isn't going to help anything."

"A little discipline turned him into that?" the smug idiot says.

"Terry had bruises on his stomach." Dipper says sternly, glowering at the older male.

"You're overreacting, Dipper. He's just a five year old. Kids bruise easily."

Something snaps in Dipper. Anger and tiredness cloud his judgment.

"I take it your dad liked to kick your ass? Is that why you don't care about anything, you fat idiot?"

Dipper looks angrily into the eyes of the adult, looking past several other workers shifting awkwardly in their seat.

"Dipper, unlike you and Terry, I never did anything to make my father need to discipline me. It's your first day. You should take care to make a better impression, Dipper." the adult says in a smug tone; he thinks Dipper is nothing more than an angry, rebellious teenager. Dipper shifts away, his anger giving way to paranoia.

"_He's right. First impressions leave a mark. Oh crap, I screwed everything up, didn't I?_"

Dipper averts his gaze from the smug, smiling older male. He was right. It was Dipper's first day on the job, and even though he got through to Terry, Dipper's angry outburst was fresher in the minds of his peers and would distort their opinion of the new employee. Dipper remains silent for the last minute of the lunch break before gathering up his kids and taking them back to their room. Dipper walks behind his class, silently stewing in his own fears of what his coworkers must think of him.

"_They probably think I'm just a dumb, angry teen. I've got to change that. Don't screw up!_"

Dipper walks to the door and opens it, allowing his horde to shuffle in and take their places on the little beds. Dipper shuts the door and walks over to the blinds, closing them and darkening the room. Dipper returns to sit by his desk as the kids tuck themselves in.

"Mr. Dipper, can you tell us a story?" Tabitha asks.

"Shut up, Tabitha." Terry says, attempting to spare Dipper the embarrassment of fumbling through an unrehearsed story.

"Terry, let's be nice. I can tell you all a story."

"Yay!" Tabitha yells.

"_What the heck do I talk about?... Let's see, what would Tabitha like? What did Mabel like when she was four?... Mabel, that's it!_"

"Well, I told you about the stars before. Once upon a time, there was a star named Mabella; she was one of the most beautiful stars in the universe. She shared her warmth with countless planets home to millions of people, beaming across the galaxy. And she had a friend; a very close friend much like her, but this star was cold and blue, and smaller than Mabella. His name was Diperion. He only shared his warmth with some worlds, because he reserved most of his love and warmth for Mabella. He loved her more than anything. More than all the planets and people and other stars in Heaven. And one day, the stars grew close to each other. Diperion found that Mabella loved him too, a powerful love that made them both brighter than before. Their glow dazzled the worlds they watched over, and they kept the people safe and protected. But they were found out by the other stars. They feared the light of the Diperion and Mabella, so they separated them. Mabella was taken to a galaxy far away, while Diperion was guarded by the older stars. Mabella's light faded, but the new stars kept her from falling into darkness. For you see, when stars become lonely, they break. They turn dark. They become cold and empty as their light fades. They become black holes; cracks in the universe that eat planets and other stars to fill their loneliness. Diperion became a black hole, and he ate to fill his heart. He ate planets and smaller stars and people, but it was not enough. No matter how much he tried to seal the wound in his heart, it could never replace Mabella. But the oldest star in his galaxy saw what had happened. He saw how Diperion and Mabella needed each other, and that their love was more important than the other stars' fears. He told Diperion where to go, and the black hole fled into the empty space between galaxies. He found Mabella, but he was chased by the older stars. They hunted him down, ready to separate Mabella and Diperion again. Mabella allowed Diperion to take her in, her light fading within the black hole to fill his heart. They feared that Diperion had consumed Mabella, but from within Diperion's heart she shown brighter than any star. The light was bright enough it could be seen from the whole universe, and all the way in Heaven. Diperion and Mabella became one. They were together, not a black hole and not a star, but something new and more powerful than both. The older stars were afraid of the brightness, and feared that they would be destroyed by its power. But Diperion and Mabella forgave them. They allowed the older stars to leave instead of fighting. And to this day, Diperion and Mabella still shine in the sky, and they'll remain when all other lights have vanished."

"_Not bad for a story made up on the spot._"

"Yay!" Tabitha shouts as she gives Dipper a round of applause. She does not fully understand Dipper's words, but she knows that he spoke with his heart. He poured his energy and soul into his silly fairytale, giving it more emotion than any other storyteller the little girl has heard. Tabitha dives underneath her covers, followed by the rest of the class. The children fall asleep one by one, until Dipper is alone in the dark room.

"_Shit. I'm getting tired. Nap time's only an hour; you just have to stay up in an unlit room with no sound and no entertainment for an hour. Did I bring my cellphone? Oh wait, it's back home with dad. 'Oh, gee dad, can I have my cell back?' 'Sure, son, I'll completely ignore the fact that you and your sister are having sex.' Maybe I could wait outside? No, I don't need to be explaining to the parents why their kids are suddenly interested in playing doctor. Are they even old enough to be doing that, yet? It's best not to risk it. Wait, I can still go out and just check on them occasionally, can't I?_"

Dipper looks out the door and spots some of his other coworkers wandering about. Dipper silently shifts from his chair and walks out the door, joining Jessica and a young lady in the hallway.

"Oh, decided to join the waking world?" Jessica asks.

"Trying to. Got to keep my eyes open. The kids start leaving around three, right?"

"Yep, although some of the late birds are around until four."

Dipper chuckles lightly as his mind cracks from the stress.

"It sucks, I know." the other lady says.

"By the way, what's your name?" Dipper asks.

"Tabby."

"Dipper."

"How come you weren't here this morning?"

"I was kind of running late."

"Don't make a habit of it. Vicky will be pissed. You don't know what she's like when she's angry."

"Oh, I've seen her get angry before. It's terrifying. Good thing she's nice around the kids, at least."

"I wouldn't say nice more as she tolerates them."

"Yeah, that's more accurate."

"Well, we should be checking back on our group. Don't need to find them all playing doctor or anything. Bye Dipper, bye Jessica."

Tabby walks away, leaving Jessica and Dipper alone. Dipper checks back in his room and finds that the children are still asleep.

"So, aren't you going to check up on your kids?" Dipper asks.

"Eh, I'll go look in a bit. They'll be fine. So I hear you got in a fight with Gerald?"

"Yeah, he's kind of a jerk."

"I know."

"He insulted Terry. After I saw what that kid's father did I sort of lost it."

"At least someone around here gives a damn. It gets hard after a while, but I try. Well, I'm going to go use the bathroom. There's a refrigerator with some juice near the cafeteria if you want something to try and stay awake."

"Thanks."

Dipper takes one last look into his classroom before running towards the cafeteria. He enters one of the staff rooms and digs through the refrigerator before grabbing a bottle of apple juice and a paper cup. Dipper pours himself a small glass and chugs it down, putting the items away before heading back to his room. Fate would not be kind this day, for Dipper opens the door to find Billy pulling his pants down and ready to pee on the wall.

"No." Dipper whispers commandingly.

"You were gone and I need to go peepee."

"Come on, I'll take you to the bathroom." Dipper says with a whisper.

Dipper takes Billy into the empty hall as the kid wiggles awkwardly to maintain control of his bladder. Dipper makes it to the bathroom just in time for Billy to run in to relieve himself. Dipper sighs as he collapses onto the floor.

"_Just stay up a little longer._"

Dipper waits for Billy to come back out, and then escorts him back to the classroom. Dipper walks in and collapses onto his chair as Billy returns to his mat. Dipper takes a look at the clock.

"_Forty minutes._"

Dipper begins playing back the first Duck-tective movie in his mind, repeating the dialogue word for word to maintain his cognizance.

"…_Constable McNeal has been murdered! What do you think, Duck-tective? Quack quack, quack quack quack. Gasp! You're saying the murder didn't take place here? Quack quack, quack! Most ingenious! Placing the body on the top of train so that it flies off into the gutter! Quack quack. Ah, yes, I see…_"

Dipper looks back at the clock.

"_Ten minutes. I suppose I could rest my head for a couple minutes, then when everyone wakes up they can get me up too. Just ten minutes…_"

...

Dipper is interrupted from his sleep by a concerned voice.

"Wake up, Dipper."

Dipper groans as he shifts in his chair, covering his eyes from the light.

"Oh, I don't want soup today, Mr. Bill. Get me a cheeseburger."

Dipper hears the person laugh as he returns to the waking world. The blinds are opened as the sun beams in. Dipper closes his eyes again before remembering where he is. His eyes dart back open and he looks around the room. The children are gone and their mats have already been put back. Dipper turns to spot Jessica with a worried smile.

"_Uh oh._"

"Uh, how long have I been out?" Dipper asks, laughing nervously.

"Um… it's almost three."

Dipper's head falls to the desk, and he begins lightly banging it on the hard wood.

"Well, I completely screwed up." Dipper says with his voice muffled by the desk.

"Well, not completely. You were doing pretty good until you fell asleep there."

"Where are the kids?"

"Well, the kids tried to push you awake before Terry decided to take charge. He took the class out into the main area."

Dipper lifts his head up and looks at Jessica with a disappointed frown.

"I take it Vicky's back from God knows where."

"Yeah, she wanted me to get you. Apparently Gerald is making a fuss."

Dipper groans as he stands up.

"Well, time to face the firing squad." Dipper jokes as he adjusts his clothes.

Jessica laughs nervously as she stands aside, allowing Dipper to walk out of the room and march towards his judgment. Dipper walks down the hall into the lunch area. After Dipper's unscheduled nap, the rest of the adults decided to share the burden of the extra kids by bringing the preschoolers into the main lunch room. The benches and chairs have been spread out to the corners of the room to allow the children to play together. The kids have brought their favorite games and toys out into the area and have split into smaller tribes. Tabitha and Billy are playing with a set of medieval knights while Terry plays with a fantasy dragon by himself. Joey and several other kids are running around playing tag, while others play board games and smack the pieces around when they lose. Dipper spots Vicky sitting on a chair, looking on with an annoyed frown as she surveys the room. And standing right beside her is Gerald; a smug grin forms on his face when he spots Dipper walking in. Dipper approaches the daunting figures, feeling his doom in every step.

"Oh, hi Vicky." Dipper says with a whimper.

The pink eyed female looks up at him and smiles deviously.

"Hello, Mr. Dipper. Enjoy the nap?" she says in a cutesy, innocent tone.

Dipper gulps before attempting to make amends.

"I'm sorry." he says with a faltering, raspy voice; Dipper coughs to clear his airway of tension.

"Sorry isn't going to cut it, Mr. Dipper. Something has to be done. Someone needs to be fired."

Dipper sighs before Vicky continues.

"Now, Gerald here thinks you're just a stupid, spoiled brat. He thinks you're the one who needs to be fired."

Vicky cackles as she watches Dipper squirm and close his eyes, cringing in humiliation.

"But, we live in the United States of America. And Mr. Dipper, what is the most important tenant of these great states?"

Dipper opens his eyes, giving Vicky a confused look.

"We're a democracy!" Vicky says as she stands up, a patriotic vigor in her voice as she looks towards the flag in the corner of the room.

"And part of a democracy is voting. So we're going to have a vote."

"We're voting?" Gerald and Dipper say, equally confused at Vicky's train of thought.

"Not we, them." Vicky says while pointing to the rabble of kids.

"What? I must protest!" Gerald says before Vicky pushes his face away with her hand.

The redhead takes several deep breathes and coughs, clearing her lungs before inhaling deeply.

"QUIET!" she bellows in a screechy, guttural voice, sounding less human and more like an ancient, demonic entity. Her voice crashes through the adults' conversations and the giggling babble if the little kids. Gerald takes several steps back, terrified of seeing Vicky's true nature for the first time.

"Terry! Tabitha! Joey! Jeremy! Billy!" Vicky shouts.

The terrified children slowly approach Vicky, their legs quivering with fear as the redhead looks at them with a sadistic smile.

"Tell me kids. You five are the only ones who've had both Dipper and Gerald. So tell me, who do you like better?"

The kids remain silent as they avert their eyes from the vicious redhead.

"Come on, you can tell me. I don't bite. Much."

Tabitha is the first to speak.

"Mr. D-d-d-Dipper gave us these pretty pictures on our faces. And he telled us a story."

"He let me out of time out. And he told us about the stars." Jeremy whispers.

"He fixed my owie." Billy says while wiggling his finger.

"How about you, Terry?" Vicky asks.

"I… I like Mr. Dipper. Mr. Gerald is a ass."

"Well, well, well. Four against one."

"I like Dipper." Joey says at last.

"Make that five against none." Vicky says while turning to eye Gerald devilishly. Dipper can see the realization coming over the older man's face.

"What? Why am I fired?" he says with a whisper.

"Because you're lazy, you think Terry deserved what happened, and you smell funny. Get out of my daycare."

"This… this isn't fair! I need this job!" Gerald whines. Dipper can't help but smile at the irony of a man who hates kids acting like a spoiled child who's going to time-out.

"Tough."

"I'll… I'll sue!"

Vicky giggles before bringing her left hand up to Gerald's neck, threading her nail under his chin.

"Gerald, Gerald, Gerald. You know, there's a desert a little bit east of here. It stretches on for miles. Hundreds of miles. Lots of things can happen in a desert. Things can be buried there, too. And those things stay there, never to found in this lifetime. It'll be centuries before some bored future tourist comes to visit with his jetpack, leaving his space dome to land on the globally warmed earth. And it's the darndest thing, I'd be willing to bet he or she would find a pile of human bones. Tell me, you still live at 356 7th Avenue, right?"

Gerald backs away slowly, tripping into Jessica before turning around and running. He's running far faster than any man his weight and age should be able to, as if he's being chased by a swarm of every man-eating predator on Earth. Dipper can see him run out the door at the end of the hallway. Moments later, Gerald is driving away from the parking lot, never to be seen again.

"So, uh, I take it you were going to fire him anyways?" Dipper asks.

"Yeah."

"So why'd you put on the show? Teach me a lesson?"

"No, I just thought it'd be funny." Vicky says as she sits back down, smiling with her eyes closed.

Dipper lets out a sigh of relief, happy to be able to keep his job. Dipper turns to the kids who defended him, even in the face of someone like Vicky.

"Thanks for sticking up for me." he says as he lowers himself to one knee. Terry and Tabitha walk up and wrap their arms around Dipper, giving the tired teen a hug. Dipper pats them on the back as he smiles in relief. Dipper stands up and cracks his back.

"Mr. Dipper, do you want to play with toys?" Tabitha asks.

"Sure."

Dipper walks over with Tabitha as she retrieves her favorite play-set from the floor. Tabitha shows Dipper a tiny knight with a sword.

"This one is Diper-eon, the most bravest knight in the kingdom."

Tabitha shows him another figure, a fair maiden with long, blonde hair.

"This one is Mabella; Diper-eon was brave, but he was not strong without Mabella."

"Thanks." Dipper says in appreciation.

Terry walks over and joins them, sitting down with a large dragon figure as he joins Tabitha's little game.

"And who's the dragon?" Dipper asks.

"This is the evil monster that tries to hurt Diper-eon." Terry says.

"But there's one thing the evil monster doesn't have. Friends." Dipper says in the most dramatic voice he can muster, sounding like the narrator to an epic quest.

Dipper plays with his two new friends as the hour ticks by, the room slowly emptying of its inhabitants as Dipper, Tabitha, and Terry act out a grand adventure to defeat the evil dragon Dipper named "Dad-on". When Tabitha's mother arrives, Dipper gives her one last hug and waves goodbye as the little girl is carried away, crying at having to leave her new big friend. Dipper feels tears form in his eyes.

"_Dang it, Dipper! You're seventeen; you know you'll see her again. Stop being dumb._"

Dipper waits until five as the room slowly empties of the children and Dipper's coworkers. By now, Dipper, Terry, and Vicky are the only people remaining in the building.

"When does your mother usually pick you up?" Dipper asks worriedly.

"She's supposed to be here earlier." Terry says.

"Let's go check with Vicky." Dipper says. He walks up to Vicky, who lifts her gaze from her phone, the sound of violent, tortured screaming coming from the game she's playing. Before Dipper can speak, he spots a tearful lady walking into the room.

"Mom!" Terry shouts as he runs up.

"Sweetie." she says with a sob as she embraces her son.

"Is Dad home?" Terry asks fearfully.

"No, he's gone." she says, half-relieved and half-regretful. When the pair leave, Dipper turns to Vicky.

"Vicky, just what did you and your cop friend do?"

Vicky's devious smile returns as she remembers the details of her earlier adventure. Vicky puts the phone away and looks on into the distance, smiling as the warm, sadistic memories return.

"Well, my friend has been on the force for a long time. He's seen things that changes you. Things that make you different from everyone else. So during one of our friendly chats, he mentioned this cute little kid named Jerry. Jerry's dad was mean, too, but he never left any marks and Jerry's mother never pressed any charges. She thought she could change Jerry's dad; she made excuse after excuse to keep the bastard with the family. But Jerry grew up and…" Vicky pulls at an imaginary rope around her neck and lifts, mocking a hanging as she sticks her tongue out and crosses her eyes. Vicky returns to a normal expression as Dipper looks on mortified.

"So Officer Phillips realized that sometimes, the law isn't enough. That's when me and him thought up a plan. We called it the three strikes. Strike one; we put a load of drugs in the target's car and hidden in his home. Enough that he'd be considered a dealer instead of a user. Officer Phillips knew a dealer who would be willing to part with his cocaine if it meant staying out of prison. Strike two; we sneak in some weird-ass animal porn into the target's house and hide it on the computer."

"What? How does that help?!" Dipper asks in amazement.

"Well bestiality porn is illegal, but most cops don't give a damn about someone's weird-ass fetish. But when it's coupled with an abusive asshole who sells drugs, then it'll help bring him down. Strike three, assault on a police officer."

"How?! Why?! What?!" Dipper says, his mind struggling to comprehend Vicky's detailed plan.

"Well, there's a reason this is a two person job. Officer Phillips needs to have been assaulted, but if he gets in an actual fight then bad things can happen. He might lose, for one. Or he might be caught and go to jail. That's why he needed me."

"You?"

"Yeah. You see, he needed someone he could trust, but also someone who wouldn't mind punching their friend in the face until they're a bloody pulp. So Phillips escorted Terry's dad, Joe, out of work and away from any onlookers after I phoned an anonymous tip naming Joe as a drug deal, and then gave me the go-ahead to bash him around a bit."

Vicky starts laughing, amused at the bizarre situation as she punches the air in a reenactment of assaulting Officer Phillips. Dipper remains silent, his brain having malfunctioned a while ago.

"Oh, you should have seen the look on Joe's face. Just two cheerful buddies, one getting punched in the face by the other."

Vicky laughs again as Dipper slumps to the floor, his face twitching as he comprehends the overly complicated plan.

"Joe's going away for a long time. Long enough for Terry and his mother to get the help they need and move on."

Vicky relaxes in the silent room with a smile, proud of her illegal accomplishment. Dipper's mind returns from its confused state as he stands up and stretches.

"Well, we should be going. You brought your bike?" Vicky asks as she stands.

"I did." Dipper says as he scratches his head, still thinking about Vicky's scheme.

"I'll give you a ride. Just plop the bike in the backseat."

"Isn't that dangerous?"

"Eh."

"Alright. So, when do I get paid?" Dipper asks with a sly grin as the pair walk away.

"End of the week. And I'm taking the money from those two hours you spent sleeping."

"Fine by me, boss. I'm looking forward to tomorrow."

"You like the kids?"

"Yeah, they're nice."

"Never liked kids much. Except Timmy."

"What was it you liked? I mean, I know your relationship is… different. What made you like him?"

"His… innocence. And cuteness. And kindness. And his boyish yet feminine face. Just the perfect…" Vicky shutters as she thinks naughtily about her boyfriend.

"Creepy."

"I know."

"Yeah, we're all a bunch of freaks. We should join the circus." Dipper says in jest. Vicky laughs.

The pair walk towards the door. The sun is low in the west, and a cool September wind blows through the air. Dipper retrieves his bike and carries it over to Vicky's convertible. Dipper places the bike in the back before walking around to the front and getting in, relaxing into the seat as he closes his eyes.

"_First day on the job._" Dipper thinks happily as Vicky drives off.


End file.
